Sometimes in life you find yourself all tangled up. Questions rage and war: questions about how to live and love  and be genuine. You - in your more “noble” moments - want to give your life way, but then you wonder what that would look like. Other times you think that it is not worth the trouble, because nobody notices or appreciates or understands that you are trying your hardest - and often failing - to give it away. And during those times that you have convinced yourself that it is not worth the trouble and you begin to live for yourself you find out that...well, I suppose what you discover is different for everyone. Let’s just cut the third person analysis and get personal.

I am finding myself in new relationships with people that would acutely offend my nice church bred, home-school taught, Bible-literate friends. Do not misunderstand me, I love these “mind your p’s and q’s” group of brothers and sisters. They are stable, steady; you can rely on them and learn from them. You know that their clothes will always be ironed and their smile always wide and bright. Just now though – if they were apprised of the goings-on in the life of me, due in large part to my new friends – they may be surprised and disappointed. The problem is that I love my new friends. They have accepted me and brought me into their lives, complete with cursing, crudeness, smoking, and drinking at no extra charge.

So now I am caught between two worlds. In both worlds there are people, real people who work and play, who laugh and cry, and who conquer and fall.  Both worlds, although diametrically opposed to one another, are cause for my joy. I love each person in both worlds and do not wish to offend anyone in either of them. How is that possible when I must share the hope that I have within me to my new friends – with the near certainty of offending them? I intend to spend time with them and invest in their lives to earn their trust in my sincere love for them; meanwhile, as I spend time with them, eating and drinking with them, I risk offending those who would not understand my intimate involvement in their lives. Is this really a catch 22? Didn’t Jesus spend his time with the tax collectors and sinners, eating and drinking with them? Only I cannot place my Christian friends into the role of the Pharisees, and yet I think they may object to my new lifestyle.

Here I am, all tangled up, laughing and enjoying myself, and yet wondering how I am ever going to get untangled.

i went to see todd agnew at the riverwalk last night.
it didn't get good until the end, but then it was great.
and todd was a nice guy...we talked a little camera talk.
plus i got to see some long lost buddies
so all in all it was a great night.

 

i'm headed for north carolina in the morning!